In a world teetering on the brink of economic collapse and potential global conflict, the Biden administration has decided to wage war on… plastic forks. Yes, you read that correctly.
As nations stockpile weapons and financial markets tremble, the White House is laser-focused on phasing out single-use plastics across federal departments.
President Biden, apparently oblivious to the looming specter of World War III, has declared this crusade against disposable cutlery an “all-hands-on-deck response” to the “climate crisis.”
One can’t help but wonder if those hands might be better employed addressing more pressing matters, like averting economic catastrophe or preventing nuclear armageddon.
“The President is committed to taking ambitious actions… to end plastic pollution and is calling upon the global community to do the same,” the White House proudly proclaimed.
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Because clearly, what the global community needs right now is a united front against straws and sandwich bags.
This grand plan aims to eliminate single-use plastics from federal food service operations, events, and packaging by 2027, and from all federal operations by 2035. It’s comforting to know that as the world potentially crumbles around us, at least government employees will be sipping their coffee from eco-friendly mugs.
The world’s on fire and the Biden-Harris administration is worried about plastic forks. https://t.co/TuMfzOONXW
— Senator Mike Rounds (@SenatorRounds) August 6, 2024
Republican lawmakers, displaying a rare moment of clarity in these surreal times, have rightfully criticized this initiative.
Senator Mike Rounds of South Dakota summed it up perfectly: “The world’s on fire and he’s worried about plastic forks.”
Senator James Lankford of Oklahoma pointed out the economic absurdity of this move, stating, “It’s going to raise costs for a lot of folks so it seems to be just irrelevant on deficit issues.” Because who doesn’t love higher prices during a potential economic meltdown?
Even more baffling, the administration has included a national security exemption in this plastic-free crusade.
Apparently, some plastic items are too crucial to national defense to be replaced.
One can only imagine the high-level meetings discussing the strategic importance of disposable spoons in military operations.
Senator Mike Lee of Utah suggested a novel approach: “They should shrink the government if they want it to be less of a consumer.”
But why pursue logical solutions when you can tilt at windmills made of plastic?
As the world watches in bewilderment, the Biden administration forges ahead with its quixotic quest against single-use plastics.
One can’t help but wonder if, in the face of impending global crises, this focus on disposable dinnerware might be the most disposable idea of all.